The Setup and the Substitute by Jiffy Kate

Prologue

Owen

Walkingin the door of our apartment, I hear squeals of laughter and my heart clenches.

I’ve only been away for a few days, but Lisa hasn’t been great about answering her phone, so I’ve really missed my kids.

“I’m home,” I call out, tossing my bag onto the floor as I pass through the living room. Realizing they can’t hear me over all the laughter, I head down the hall.

When I round the corner into the playroom, it’s not the scene I expected.

Instead of Lisa playing with Molly and Ryan, it’s Heidi, our nanny. Her being here isn’t out of the ordinary. She works a lot when I’m gone. But usually, when Lisa knows I’ll be returning from a road trip, she sends Heidi home.

“Daddy!” Molly yells when she sees me standing in the doorway. “You’re back!”

I’m smiling so hard my cheeks hurt as I scoop her up and hug her tiny body to my chest. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she sighs, her little arms still holding me tight.

Bending down, I catch Ryan and hoist him up on my other hip. His hands pat both sides of my face. He’s kind of obsessed with my beard. Usually, I keep it shorter, not much more than stubble, but this season, I’ve let it grow out some.

“Fuzzy,” he says with a laugh.

When I rub my cheek against his, he laughs even harder. “Fuzzy Wuzzy wuz a bear,” I start, quoting one of his favorite rhymes. “Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.”

“Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, was he?” Molly finishes.

Growling, I turn and bury my face in her neck, which has her squealing again.

God, I love my kids.

“Where’s Lisa?” I finally ask, looking back down at Heidi who is preoccupying herself with cleaning up some of the toys. It’s then I realize she won’t make eye contact with me. “Heidi?”

After picking up a few more toys and placing them in their designated bins, she stands, rubbing her hands down the front of her jeans. “Could I…” she pauses, clearing her throat and motioning out into the hallway. “Could I talk to you in private for a minute?”

Dropping to a knee, I set both kids down to play. “I’ll be right back,” I tell them, kissing the top of Ryan’s head, inhaling the lingering scent of the lavender bath wash both kids use. Molly plants a big kiss on my cheek and wraps her arms around my neck one more time before I go.

“Love you, Molls.”

“Love you, Daddy.”

When I walk out into the main room, I see Heidi standing over by the bar with a piece of paper in her hand. “Lisa left this for you.”

“Okay,” I hedge, going to take it from her, but before I get there, she picks up a cell phone and holds it out as well.

“She left this too.”

Confusion furrows my brow as I take both items and start to open the letter. “When did she leave this?” I ask, a sick feeling settling into the pit of my stomach.

“Yesterday afternoon,” she says hesitantly. “I wanted to tell you when we spoke last night, but I didn’t want to alarm you. At first, I thought she might have left the phone by mistake, but when she never came back home last night, I got worried.”

Yesterday?

Lisa hasn’t been back home since yesterday?

It’s not that she hasn’t done something like this before. That’s the very reason we employ a nanny, because although Lisa loves our children, she doesn’t have a great track record. Before she got pregnant with Molly, it was nothing for her to disappear for a couple days and then show back up. Once Molly was born, she started seeing a therapist and seemed to be in a much better place. She still struggled some, but after Ryan was born, it felt like her motherly instincts clicked into place.

I’ve been less and less worried about it over the past year or so because she’s seemed good.

However, staring down at the piece of paper in my hand, my worst fears begin to unfurl and take root.

Owen,

I’m sorry you’re reading this note.

I’m sorry for leaving our children.

But I have to go.

The past few months have been a struggle. I feel myself slipping back into a dark place and that’s not good for Molly and Ryan. I’ve never been good at living this life, but I tried for you, for them. But I can’t do it anymore.

Maybe one of these days, I’ll be in a place where I can come back, but don’t wait on me. You should move on and be happy. I think we both know, if it hadn’t been for Molly and Ryan, we would’ve been over a long time ago.

Take care of our kids.

You’ve always been way better at that than me.

I’m sorry for everything.

Lisa